A Bumpy Journey
Life is never easy, but it's always worth it.
I have come to realize that there is a point in your recovery where you have to make a choice. You have to decide if you are going to let this tumor, and everything that comes with it, take charge of your life or if you are going to take charge and find joy in the journey.
This journey has definitely been tougher than I ever could have imagined. There have been ups and downs. There have been good days and bad. It has been tough, but I have been so blessed with a family that is understanding and helpful and with numerous blessings that have left me faring pretty well for being in the post brain surgery category.
When talking with other Acoustic Neuroma Warriors and reading their stories, I have come to realize that there is a point in your recovery where you have to make a choice. You have to decide if you are going to let this tumor, and everything that comes with it, take charge of your life or if you are going to take charge and find joy in the journey. Obviously, the latter option is preferable, but it’s something I have to fight for just about every day. I have to remind myself of the positive aspects of my journey when I continuously feel like I’ve hit yet another bump in the road.
Being over 4 months post op now, I would think that I’d be feeling pretty darn close to 100%. In some aspects, I’m pretty close to 100%. When it comes to memory, I find myself being forgetful at times and sometimes stop half way through a sentence trying to gather my words to continue my sentence. I feel like I have a headache at least once a day, but have found ways to help get rid of them quickly or at least lessen the severity of the headaches. I have gotten my daith pierced (a pressure point used in accupuncture for headaches) and since having it done 6 weeks ago, I have had 2 migraines, which is a huge improvement from my 1-4 migraines a week I was getting after surgery and before my piercing. I drink caffeine with my tylenol, which I’ve been told by doctors helps improve its effectiveness so…I guess I have an excuse to drink Dr. Pepper for the rest of my life (which I have zero complaints about). I also love ice packs and neck/shoulder massages to help fight headaches.
One thing I am especially grateful for, is the fact that I can workout and do just about everything in classes (except burpees. I cannot do burpess…it makes my brain feel like it’s going to jump right out of my head). I am currently preparing to complete the Tough Mudder and look forward to passing that finish line, having completed all the obstacles in the run. Being able to hold yoga poses is one of my proudest accomplishments post op seeing as 4 months ago, the surgeon was tearing a tumor away from my vestibular nerve (responsible for balance). I am incredibly grateful for the yoga instructors that have had patience with me and have offered alternatives as I was just barely able to complete a downward facing dog this past week without getting a piercing headache, and that was pretty cool!
There have been trials completely unrelated to this tumor in the last 4 months, and at times I have prayed to my Heavenly Father just asking for a break. Asking for some relief in trials. I know trials make us stronger, and I’m trying to remind myself of that as I strengthen myself and my relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I find comfort in reading scriptures and talks and while I don’t do it as often as I should, I’m definitely working on it.
I am grateful for my trials and the strength I have found through the toughest of times. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and is mindful of me. He cares about me and my family, and has blessed us so much this past year. I know I am never alone. I know I am loved. I know I am important.